On A Personal Note: Suicide of A Friend

Suicide of A Friend

Tuesday I spent the afternoon with my best friend and her family. Most of the time was spent at the funeral home where her brother was laid out. A man I had known for 34 years. He was 51.

He had lived alone in a small apartment, but called or emailed his three children everyday.

When his daughter, who lives out of state, realized on Friday that it had been a week since she'd heard from her dad, she called my friend who is her dad's sister and asked her to check on Dad.

He had had some health problems, so when they found him dead in the kitchen in a seated position on the floor leaning against a cabinet, it didn't occur to them right then that he'd killed himself. They found a note he'd written on September 6th stating that if anything should happen to him he wanted his daughter to have his car.

The note itself didn't clearly indicate that he would soon take his own life.

Then on Saturday a video was discovered. His state of mind and intention became apparent to the family. My friend said it best, "It was him, but it wasn't him..."

That's what depression can do to someone. It can take away all hope and leave one feeling alone and isolated from the rest of the world, wishing the pain would just go away somehow...

But there is not a pain as deep as that for one who left us all too soon and by surprise.

He was the life of the party, a practical joker, a "great guy", very loving; he would have gone out of his way to help you. Even his co-workers and boss walked past his casket, each stopping to cry and reflect on the fun-loving guy they would sorely miss...

His were the silent, hidden tears ..of a clown

The minister gave a very touching tribute in the "All Faiths Chapel" at the end of the evening that night. He spoke of my friend's brother in the kindest of ways, with deep understanding, and enough wisdom to comfort the ones who who loved him.

The thing that impressed me the most was that there was no condemnation for this act.

He let the family know that they were not responsible. He said that each of us, at one time or another, has used poor judgment in making decisions, and that this, although a life-changing decision, was an simply an error in judgment, arising from his perception and altered state of mind. This was the end result of a serious illness.

It was his choice, yes, but not his fault. What a subtle yet profoundly comforting distinction!

He urged them to find help and comfort in God and in these words from the Scriptures:

"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God..."

In closing, I have to say that this has been a difficult post to write. I have edited it innumerable times over the last few days...
so I'd like to refer you to an article authored by Jennifer Jones over at her blog,
Goodness Graciousness
entitled "Discouragement, Depression and Despair".

This article says all the things I could not say and is, perhaps, the best I've seen on the subject. It lends insight, opens new doorways, and offers true hope in a desperate situation.

My friend's brother is a peace now. Nothing said that better than the tiny smile that is forever fixed upon his lips.