A Dangerous Game

A Dangerous Game

There isn't anyone I know who wouldn't take a cry for help at face value.
Some are caught off guard by it.
Others shy away from the intensity,
but it's something that isn't going to go away.

My doctor once told me that depressive, suicidal feelings are really "anger turned inward", anger about something else that is directed at your self. And where does anger come from? A counselor (at the rehab center where a loved one once stayed) told me that anger is another emotion or combination of emotions in disguise, unexpressed emotions, specifically four: fear, hurt, shame, and/or guilt.

Anger is a dangerous game. I say "game" because it fools us and others around us. It isn't what it appears to be. One has to look deep beneath the surface and sometimes even then, it takes years to uncover, layer by layer, all that makes up the anger. It seethes and generates deadly body chemistry. It can take the form of homicide or suicide if it is not evaluated and defused.

AC entered a great post on Depression over at A Circle of Women that speaks to both women and men, young or not so young.

This is not meant to be offensive but to give the reader a sneak peek into the mindset, a "cynical, in your face" kind of commentary on a suicide blaming a lost love...
I DO NOT advocate suicide. Suicide is NOT an option anymore for me (yeah, it once was) but here's something I wrote today that I would have written back then:

~Evidence~

When the red ceases flowing
And my brain turns blue
The doctor will find
All the remnants of you.
You entered me slowly
And stole what you could.
You left me with nothing,
Or nothing so good
I finished my breathing
With you on my mind,
So surely the doctor
Will know what to find
He’ll see all my feelings,
Which should be a clue.
The evidence will lead
Him right back to you.
He’s laid me wide open ~
A coroner’s art.
And now he is holding
What once was my heart.
If ever there was
A great mystery here,
It’s solved now that he
Has exposed you, my Dear.

(c) Nov 2007
~ Robin Lee Sardini


Get help if you need it. It generally doesn't just go away on its own. It's depression's distortion of thought and emotion that will cause you to withdraw or act out. Make a pact for safety right now. Then get on the phone and reach out for help. There will be a voice and a hand reaching back.

You are loved and needed just as you are right now! Consider yourself hugged, but get to that phone.